Losing my way, 2016.

I've been in a black hole and I had no idea how to break out, and still I am sitting here, trying to get out.
photography always helped me to feel better, to find myself, to understand myself and my emotions, but every time I picked up my camera it felt like this connection was gone, that I had no idea what I was about to do. so every time I picked up my camera I was unsatisfied with the outcome and in the end with my whole being.

 

I also didn't know where I was going with my art and with my life. it seemed that I almost forgot how to take photos, how to express myself because I was taught differently in university and I got quite frustrated about the fact that I should rather try to improve my skills but then I start to ignore everything else and do nothing.
so I have been stumbling around for quite a while now, not knowing what would happen or what would not happen.
I lost something, inside of myself and I wasn't capable to get it back.

I tried and tried, and then I gave up.
for such a long time I haven't taken any photos, nor did any other art I appreciated. I was just there, trying to breath and trying to focus on anything that is not me.

and it is kind of ironic that I picked up my camera on that day I felt miserable about my life and my achievements, and it's even more ironic that I actually liked what I did. it was almost surreal to me that I finally did something I enjoyed again and I did something that expressed my feelings and everything I had on my mind for such a long time but couldn't let out because it was stuck.

I'm still sitting in that hole, but I can finally see light again.